i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Randomize
