Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
