i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
