At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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