im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
