he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
