What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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