dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
