the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
