I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
