Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
