Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
