You really coming over, don't trick.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
