So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
