Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a search helicopter?!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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