I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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