my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
