dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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