I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
