He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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