I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
