Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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