please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this beer tastes like vomit already
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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