You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
