some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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