I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
