Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
