Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
