Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
