Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
