guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am midnight drunk by noon
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
