Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
