So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
