so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just high enough for therapy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
