I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
