Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
