I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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