Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
