let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
