I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
