I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
