Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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