My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
