This is not my ceiling
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
