is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
kristin has been a bad kristin
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
