Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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