y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
