I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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