Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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