i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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