and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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