discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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