im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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