She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
