Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Four minutes until I can fart!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
