nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
