He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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